Sat, Sept 16 th, 2006, 01.00 am
I got so many ordeals these lately days. I guess He might thought of testing my patient again this time, especially when fasting month is coming…Finding out how much I’ve forget Him, testing how much my love for Him still remains.
Start from two weeks ago, a girl (I call her “girl” with a very heavy heart, coz she’s not..better call her sluth!) named “Ersa”…I believe 100% that it’s not her real name. She went messing around in the forum. She insulted couple of people, including me & Kikan (Cokelat member). For like a second, I was sure I knew who she was. I thought she was my old-bitchy-friend who had betrayed me long time ago (Look at my blog “Betrayal”). But few days later, one of my friend told about her curiosity toward a person (Also a forum member who registered as another fake ID & fake personal informations) that we know as our close friend in the forum. Man! I was so upset finding out that I would receive another backstabber in my life!! I’ve enough of them…I pray to God everyday that our curiosity is just a negative thinking & asked Him to strengthen my patient. But then another girl (or maybe the same girl with another fake ID) called “Andara” came to forum and – again – disturbed our community. Still, her main victim is me (and Kikan, again! And my two close friend: Yunia & Refie). In my opinion based on her forum-posts, she has a deep envy with us. She feels jealous about our intimacy for each other, and to Kikan also…And now she calls us “Trio Exist” and she calls me “Miss Perfect” !!
My replies for her were full of angst (full of rude words, maybe), I’m getting fed up with those kinda people. I dared her to meet me in person, I gave her my number and I said to her “don’t just dare to show off in the net, have gut to show off in front of my face!!”. My boyfriend also help me facing her, but he also reminded me to stay calm & not to take this problem so serious that it could ruin my concentration. But – Ya Allah..forgive me – I can’t (and maybe never can) stand with hypocrites, fakers & back stabbers!! I’ve been always treasure friendship and honesty…like forever! My brain just couldn’t stop thinking why those kinda people don’t have any heart about friendship? Maybe God is testing me now, make me realize that no one could be my best friend better than Him. So I sit down, I cried, I prayed, I apologized…maybe I’ve been forget about Him.
And today, another ordeal stopped my cheerfulness. I still registered as a CV students at LIA Kelapa Gading. But my class at LIA runs in the same time with my class at campus (LIA class starts at 7-11 am, Campus class starts at 9-11). Still 2 weeks to go before I graduate from LIA. I’ve been reorganized my schedule so I could still join these two classes. One day my friend said that the LIA test will be held on Sept 16, so I decided to skip my class in Campus. Today, I went home after the-campus-class was dismissed (one mistake I made, coz I forgot to reconfirm my friend to make sure that LIA test will be held tomorrow). After arrived at home, I called my LIA friend and asked her what time the test will be started. Nervously, she said “Oh my God, forgive me Wed..i forgot to tell you that the test won’t be held tomorrow, but a week after!”
Suddenly I felt like my intestines were thrown out & someone had hold my throat and pull it out forcefully. I was speechless, knowing that it’s not all her mistake, becoz I – too – did a mistake. Why didn’t I call her early after I went out the class this evening, so I didn’t have to take my fat ass home?!. Hmph…tomorrow I have to go back to campus and all my plans tomorrow with my boyfriend is 70% fail! What a day, God..what a day…
Maybe He thinks that it’s about the time for me to ask for an apologize to all human being. To you, all Mpers…To my parents, my brothers, my buddies & my enemies (the least thing I wish to have). Please forgive me for my weaknesses, my arrogance, my insensitivity and other of my hard feelings. Fasting month is about to come (the month I miss the most :p), so I want to clean up my heart and my hard feelings toward certain people. Have a holy fasting, be merry..!! ^-^
– Goddess –