Some things worth sacrificing.

“Some things worth sacrificing”, words of wisdom said. That’s what I’m feeling right now, been struggling with all blood, tears and power I have now to open people’s eyes so they can see what I believe and how strong my belief is. Last weekend was a rough weekend for me. I don’t know how much tears I’ve spared to convince them that I’ve made my decision and to tell them that I don’t have any purpose except good will for my future. I’ve been crying and crying with moaning voice that I am no longer a kid and I’m able to think with my own brain and see with my own vision and finally take my own conclusion and so I will live with it and take any good and bad thing I have to face as my risk, with relieving heart and mind. I don’t and never want to see anyone gets hurt, especially those who I love. But I’m sorry, I’m SORRY… I can’t lie, I can’t pretend and, I can’t deny about what I feel. I’m not good at lying anyway. Anyone I can blame about my honesty? Is it my parents, my teacher or my religious teacher, or is it me? Is it me to blame for the courage I have to sound my feeling and be honest with myself?

I get shocked, I’m out of focus and I grieve. Please… please look at me for a while. Please see me and hear me as person, not as any status you’re seeing me holding with. Please open the door of your hearts even just a little bit, even if you just share a bit space for your eyes to see what’s outside your locked doors, to see the world outside isn’t just as large as you gardens. Please melt your hearts a bit to feel a tad of warmness, even if you never get used of it and you will run for a colder room or sunglasses. Please put your foots on my shoes for five minutes, even if you think that it’s too small or even too large for your size. Please be ME for a second, and you will know, you will feel and you will understand, even if I know that you will get and understand not more than 5% of a whole me. But at least you will think that it’s not EASY to be me, it’s not easy when all you think is right is always seen wrong to anybody else. Even when finally I could prove the best result I could reach from my decision, you were too proud of yourselves to admit that I was right at the beginning. You were too selfish to nod your heads to show that you were agree with my actions.

I don’t need anything except your good wishes upon me, your trust upon my belief, your support upon my decision. I have good will, so I have to go on with it in also good ways. And ALL I need from you is just ONE thing; your blessing upon me. Then I smile, then I can prove that with my decision, I can make you smile. Then I can make all of you smile, I will smile for I know that I’m seizing my future with someone that can make me smile. And my future will smile at me.
 

Some things worth sacrificing, please be kindly consider it, all.
 

~G~

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16 thoughts on “Some things worth sacrificing.

  1. u just need a bless sis.. that's all..

    they can talk or told u this or that.. but i hope finally.. they give u an authority to push ur life button..

    everybody wants a good thing for their beloved..

    but hei.. pilihan itu semuanya kamu yang memutuskan
    cause.. that's ur life… not them.. or anyone..

    but u have to make sure that what u choose will bring u a good one for ur life..

    or.. i.. will be the one who sad bout this..

    hiks..

    🙂

  2. I've said thousand times about me facing the consequences of my decision all by my own, not them. Still, they don't wanna listen. They're turning deaf. They don't wanna see, they're turning blind.

    And I was left alone, crying… For knowing that no one wants to listen and see me with ears on and eyes open.

    Sadly.

  3. dear iwed… (halah kaya' surat)

    No one will be You even for half a second. Jadi memang seringnya kita tidak bisa meminta seseorang (siapapun) untuk benar-benar bisa mengerti dan merasakan bagaimana rasanya kalau mereka adalah kita…

    Karena itu jugalah…ga ada satupun orang dalam hidup kita yang berhak menentukan apa yang harus kita jalani… kalau bahasanya Hell..apa itu…Push your life button 🙂 still semuanya kembali ke kamu.

    No need to fight against them…coz they are not your enemy. They just forget that you are a mature woman who know what you're doing. Just do what you believe…what you thing as the best way for you …dan tunjukkan kalau loe bener-bener tahu tanggung jawab dan konsekuensi dari jalan yang loe pilih.

    Ini ga akan lebih mudah.. loe akan menangis dan marah lebih banyak. Tapi itu supaya loe jadi orang yang lebih baik…

    You'll be ok sist…

  4. I know they never can be me, so they will never know what I'm feeling inside. I know indeed they do love me and care for me. But still I don't think that they have such responsibility to make up any decision in my life. Still I never can accept about my life being dictated and withheld with anybody else that has no business whatsoever with it.

    I'm sure that you actually know how hard it is to struggle for something you believe but people are against it. How hard it is for you to convince them that you have made your decision and will take all the risks. This maybe is the easiest obstacle I have to face from my decision. There're still lot more obstacles coming my way. But that is life, isn't it? It's about choice, it's about making decision with options that occur in front of you and it's closely related to how you seize your furute. It's not something to play on, it's not a game.. That's why I never want to run a life I don't include in and has been interfered.

    ^___^ I'll be okay, I know I will. Thanks sooo much Mil
    *hugs*

  5. I know that it is soo not easy, wed 🙂
    There was a time in my life when i let someone push my life button. I let them decided my way of life. And it end up… horrible. Its totaly a mess..and i'm the only one who have to deal with that. Not them.
    So i really hope that you won't allow them to do that to you… I know you're tough gurl ups woman ^_^
    You'll be one who smile at the end of the road…

    *hugs

  6. That's EXACTLY what I mean. I decide, I face, I take the risk and I'm alone who feel what it's like. Not them.

    Sadly, that's one thing they haven't understand yet. But I'll try and try, I won't give up till there's no more power left on me 🙂

  7. push your limits through the edges, and you'll get stronger..
    But be very carefull, the more edges you break, the emptier you'll find yourself, and there's only two things to fill those empty space..

  8. *guess u know what phase 1 is all about..

    is not as easy as before phase 2,
    from level to phase the term i change..
    more complex phase 2 will be..

    There will be more obstacle just like you said, push your limits through the edges you will.. and will come the new you, stronger..
    But be very carefull, the more edges you break, the emptier you'll find yourself, and only two things to fill those empty space there is..

    The force is strong inside you my young padawan,
    be patient, be wise, be kind, and be happy.. treat you well life will, my young padawan..
    =)

  9. I won't break an edge I I think is not worth it. But this case is different, my dear Dan… It relates to my future – with or without them besides me. Like what Mila said, that any consequences occur after my decision, I will be the one who “feel” and “face”, not them. I have nobody but Allah and myself. I'm alone indeed, all people are alone.

    We all, we are 🙂

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