After a year and nine months of this supposed-to-be-mutual cooperation. I never felt so disappointed and insulted like this before. I am forced to feel some kind of feeling like I just killed someone. I am forced to feel anxious, mad, sad, panic, drowned and then fall down without even having a chance to seek and scream for help. He has stopped my spirit by force! And I hate the condition of being so powerless like this. Seriously God, do I really have a choice??
If I don’t reconsider this again with cool-headed, I will mostly decide something that I can regret for the rest of mylife. Yet, it is now so damn hard for me to even make my mind stop running scary glimpses and scenes about what will happen next, and those things make my head heating up even more. And so I know this is not PMS 😥 Sadly it’s not.
I really should go home now and meet my son. I need my mood-booster, my “freezer”. I really need to make these damn tears to stop streaming down on my face.
Ah, fuck this! Today is so not mine to embrace…